Me as a Nazi

As a depression-laden person, full of wrath and wicked hatred, I often wondered what would have been if I had been born in our countrys blackest period. Would I've joined the Hitlerjugend? Would I've been impressionable by the parades, the lies and the mass hysteria? Would I've even been capable to kill or torture? To feel endless hatred amongst all intruders? Capable to kill women, children without ever feeling a dark cloud of guilt pending above my darkened mind?

And I'm so damn shure I would've been one of the worst. I would have tortured, I would have killed and destroyed so many innocent lives. By now I would've never killed children, but I would've been one of the many coming home from "work", kissing my blessed children with blood stained hands. Sitting down at the table, giving my daughter presents I'd had taken from suffering victims, asking lovely questions about my familys day, kissing my wife with lips burning from long interrogations. She would've beared my bad breath, mouth rotting like that poor little soul of mine. I would have done my job with passion. I would have tortured those responsible for my misery, my state of being lost and small, and had already given myself up.

I would have had the incredible impertinence to allege, that I'd do this for my family. I would have believed in scapegoats day by day. And I would have been the same coward I am now.
And one day I would have killed myself.